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A true argument depends upon two qualities: an intense concern for the matter at hand that extends beyond merely winning or losing the argument, and the ability to live the thoughts and emotions behind the counterargument. The most relentless, intellectually merciless arguments are acts of caring about the world, with a grasp of your opponent’s inwardness as the instrument of mastery.
Such imaginative inhabitation of an opponent has two purposes. One is to know your opponent’s mind the more completely to dismantle—or discredit, or even destroy—his argument. The other is to know your opponent’s mind in order to join with him in a common humanity, regardless of the argument’s outcome. And in the event that the sincere embodiment of a common humanity within the structure of an argument helps you to carry the day, then so much the better.
- Lee Siegel, Why Argument Matters (2022)
Let us be clear about what true argument, the art of argument, is not. It is not a quarrel. It is not a dispute. It is not a debate. Although I will sometimes use these words in place of “argument” for the sake of variation, elegant or otherwise, “argument” possesses a different meaning.
A quarrel is a disagreement inflamed by the ego.
A dispute is a disagreement restrained by the law.
A debate is a disagreement organized by the spirit of play.
A quarrel serves no purpose. It is set in motion when an individual’s aggrieved self-interest runs up against another individual’s aggrieved self-interest. Like those perpetually swinging metal balls known as “Newton’s cradle” that used to adorn the desks of male business executives before the metaphorical image of colliding testicles lost its masculine allure, quarrels never end because the ego never rests.
No logic, evidence, or language will convince either my wife or me that it is the other’s turn to unload the dishwasher this morning. Lacking the qualities of logic, evidence, and language, an argument cannot take place. A quarrel is an attempt to reposition the ego within the acreage created and shared by two or more egos. Since the acreage is a psychic abstraction, a quarrel does not follow rational lines.
- Lee Siegel, Why Argument Matters (2022)
